I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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