Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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