Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
