I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
