before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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