i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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