I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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