What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
