i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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