just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
