Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
