I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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