im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
