just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Operation Purity has been aborted
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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