PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was confusing and full of hummus
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
