Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
