Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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