My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
