Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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