Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
