Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize