what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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