Someone shit on the floor
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
