so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
