you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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