I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
