This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
