I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
