I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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