oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
