Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
