Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize