Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
