she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
