when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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