Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
