just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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