If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
