I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
