and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
