So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
