I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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