I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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