My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
