i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
