didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
