I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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