My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
