I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
