i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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