Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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