Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
