I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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