Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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