why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
