I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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