so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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