Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
