i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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