hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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