My room smells like vodka and shame
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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