He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize