first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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