Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
