Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
