Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
