hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
