the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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