And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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