is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
please don't ironically join a cult
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