I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize