I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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