New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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