sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
