i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
