I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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