Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
