Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
