dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
