My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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