This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
