Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
