Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
