I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
