: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
