It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
