can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
