There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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