I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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