yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
