He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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