Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
