I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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