I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
