I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
