U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize