you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize