He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
