I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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