Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
