the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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