Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
