he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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