Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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