he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
