im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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