someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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