hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
