So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
