I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
