Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
