im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
