hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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